Posts Tagged ‘sober’

AA Meeting

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, sober, Sobriety, Uncategorized on August 24, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Well, I finally did it. I went to my 2nd AA Meeting.

The meeting I have been meaning to get to for a few years now.

The meeting I have backed out of because I am always too busy (too scared and too in denial) to attend.

It took several things to get me to that meeting on Monday evening.

Firstly, since I told my grandma a few months ago that I was hospitalised due to alcohol (again), she has been very concerned about my drinking and has made sure I don’t forget it.

She has a friend in California who is 20 years sober and who once used to drink like me and had the same problems. My grandma spoke to her friend about my drinking and her friend responded with some words of wisdom.

After attending a friends wedding recently and getting very drunk (more of that later) I decided to personally contact my Grandma’s friend and get her up to speed on my current wishes to be sober.

Her advice (as I have heard many times before) is that AA meetings can be very useful, and that she goes to the meetings and they have helped her stay sober for 20 years.

When I read her email describing her experiences and advising me that drink problems never get better, I decided to go to a meeting that evening. I had no excuses left about why I shouldn’t go.

The meeting was in my home town and my first though was ‘what if I know someone there?’ which is silly, because the clue is in the name ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’.

I got to the road where the meeting was early and sat in my car for ten minutes. I had butterflies in my stomach and a heavy feeling in my head. An overwhelming heaviness.

As I walked down the road looking for the community centre, I could see people walking towards a building and I panicked, realising I had found it. It was my secret desire that I wouldn’t find it and I would have to go home and give up.

As I walked in the door, a friendly older man offered me some tea and said ‘Are you new?’

When someone heard me saying yes, another man came over, took my hands in his and said welcome.

He introduced me to another man, and they invited me to sit with them on the outside of the room.

I clasped my cup of tea like it was a life line. It was like the first day of school and I didn’t know whether I may embarrass myself and cry.

The heavy feeling in my head lingered, but I was more settled now I was sat down between two people who had made me feel welcome.

The secretary welcomed me as he begun the meeting, and then followed the formalities of reading the steps and some other extracts.

There was a main share; a man who lost everything to alcohol. It was a very sad story but he has made such huge changes since getting sober in 2008.

There were other shares; a lady who had been sober since 1978, a man who had drank a bottle of wine that day, a woman who had a very similar story to be but was 40, another lady in her 50’s who got dragged to AA by her sister and husband and the list goes on.

The stories were all quite sad but they all ended their shares with their new stories; repaired relationships, new careers, new relationships and new opportunities that they didn’t think they could ever have before they got sober.

I could see myself in all of these people. Which is a weird feeling.

I was asked if I wanted to speak at the end. I has gained strength from all those who had spoke before me, and had very kindly acknowledged my presence and had wished me well. I gained strength from know I wasn’t alone in my experiences and I no longer had to live my life in shame. I could be open and human with these people, as they had been to me.

I spoke with a wobble in my voice and I don’t know where the words came from, but they poured from me. I didn’t waffle on too much for fear of being the over zealous newbie but I expressed my gratitude for everyone’s shares and told them how it had taken me 7 years of knowing deep down that I was an alcoholic to get to this point.

A room full of people nodded knowingly at me as I spoke; people who are still and who have struggled with the same thing that I have. I cant describe that feeling.

One and a half hours later, I left the meeting having gained a few telephone numbers and a new perspective on alcoholism.

Alcoholism is the lonely disease, but by finally reaching out to others and accepting it myself, I am starting to feel like there is hope still.

(9 days sober)






Day Two

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, mental health, sober, Sobriety on August 11, 2015 at 10:10 pm

So its day two of being sober and that seems pretty feeble considering a couple of months ago I was close to achieving a whole year sober.

But still, I am here, and I am trying again.

The hangover has almost worn off now; the panicky feeling has gone, but I am still feeling drained and a little weaker than usual. I get randomly hot and then cold. I feel like I need lots of food to rebuild myself back to what I was last week.

Isnt it amazing that one night of drinking can do so much damage to you physically and to your spirit.

I went to yoga tonight and I lay down on the floor just focussing on my breathing.

I suddenly remembered that despite everything I put myself through I am still alive.

Whatever alcohol has put me through, whatever anyone thinks of me, whatever I think of myself my heart still beats and my lungs still work and I have another chance to make peace with my past and move forward.

Its day two and I am at the foot of a huge mountain and I know that its going to take hard work, and a big lifestyle change to get anywhere near the top.

I am going to have to ruthlessly stop hanging around with toxic people, even if it isnt their fault that they dont understand my situation. I am going to stop going to places where getting drunk is the only activity that happens there. I am going to write every day in order to document my progress and I am going to attend an AA meeting as soon as I can.

One day at a time.

The truth vs The temptations

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, sober, Sobriety on May 29, 2015 at 11:21 am

10 months and 2 days sober.

A small milestone, but one I am proud of. Ever edging closer to one year but always moving further from my last drink.

I feel very good most of the time, but that’s not to say it is easy or that it has got  easier since when I first got sober.

When you first give up drinking everything is raw; memories are fresh and there are a lot more ups and downs. Sometimes it gets harder the longer you go on, because you can become over confident and forget the grief that got you to being sober in the first place.

The good and bad feelings pass over in waves, and sometimes I am drowning in an ocean full of temptation. My friends sometimes don’t realise that by saying ‘we wont judge you if you fall off the wagon’ are not helping.

I don’t mind being judged. I am my harshest critic. Everything anyone has ever thought about me or said about me, Ive thought worse about myself.

But so far I’ve kept swimming, kept my head above the waves and I don’t listen to those who don’t fully understand my circumstances. Including my family.

I don’t know if it is a rare occurrence, or if it is quite common, but most people don’t want to believe or accept my problem. Especially those closest to me. Maybe it is a bad reflection on them? Or maybe they don’t understand that an alcoholic doesn’t have to look or act a certain way in order to suffer with the illness.

I still have an over whelming desire to confess my sins and perhaps this is my calling to attend AA meetings, where I will meet like minded and open individuals.

The only meeting I have ever been to I cried the whole way through. I cried because I knew I had a problem but saying it out loud would make it real. All those people in that room understood me and yet I still didn’t want to be pigeon holed. I still thought there was a way I could remain ‘normal’.

I hope further down the line the temptations become easier to ignore, or maybe peers will become more used to me as a non drinker.

Whenever I do feel tempted to drink, I try to remind myself of how much better everything is now I don’t drink, of how I can still have fun and how I don’t need to rely on alcohol any more.

I remind myself of why I said ‘I never want to drink again.’ The memories are painful but sometimes you need to rehash them in order to get over that complacent feeling of being in control and thinking ‘well if I can stay sober, surely one night of drink may not harm me’.

Alcohol is my kryptonite. I may have been able to occasionally drink and things didn’t always go wrong, but alcohol is also the reason for some of my lowest points in my life. Is it worth the risk? No. Is being called boring tolerable if I have a much better outlook on life? Hell yeah.

One day at a time.

Craving forgiveness

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety on August 31, 2014 at 9:01 pm

5 weeks today and I feel like sobriety is going well, no temptations so far. I have focussed on family and myself and although its boring and frustrating, I am getting there. I haven’t had to deal with the lows of hangovers or any shame or fear.

Recently though, I have been feeling cravings for something else. A deep desire to explain my side of the story.

I want to confess, I want to clean my slate, I want other people to forgive me and I want to forgive myself.

I want to relive my drunken misery out loud; things I have never spoke of. I want and need to make sense of it all, even if it is just once.

I woke up this morning and started to think about admitting to someone exactly what I had done under the influence of alcohol and what it would be like and how I would describe it.

I can’t tell my family everything because its too personal and I feel as if my therapist shouldn’t hear this stuff as he is male.

Is this a common urge; to want to confess everything?

I also want to hear what other people have done and how they felt.

My grandma let slip that my grand dad used to feel huge amounts of remorse after heavy drinking and for some reason that helped me, because I knew that I wasn’t alone and in some ways I could see where my behaviour stems from.

Perhaps this is a sign I should be brave and go back to an AA Meeting.

Is alcoholism the problem or is it a symptom?

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, mental health, Sobriety on August 27, 2014 at 5:25 pm

4 and a half weeks of no alcohol; it should feel good right?

To me it feels boring, as if it is has been almost too easy.

Today I have felt a general sadness. It sits in my chest and ebbs away under my ribs, lingering around my heart which beats with half the normal vigour it usually does. The sadness flows through my blood, coursing around my body, away from my face.

Looking in the mirror my face looks pale and my eyes dull and lifeless. I feel numb as well everything all the time. I talk to people and smile but it is as if my life is lived from behind glass. I am there but not quite.

Although I know I can depend on myself, I seem to want to depend on people who cannot and don’t want to be depended on.

Today I have been let down by my mum who is my main confidante, I want to speak to my best friends but they are busy with their own lives and the guy I thought things were starting to go well with has started to ignore me.

I don’t feel like I have anyone to rely on, to bounce off or to just generally hang out with. I live on my own and when I feel down it can be hard to pick myself up again.

With all that said; after expressing my sadness and acknowledging it, I am determined that it will not defeat me or my triumph over alcohol. I mistakenly assumed that my life would somehow transform into a sort of peaceful, energised world without alcohol. I thought that perhaps I would continue to feel better and better.

Maybe I still have to learn how to live and perhaps stopping drinking is just a small step in the right direction.

I will keep going as I know this feeling will pass. Writing it down makes it seem less than what it feels and it is always good to get your feelings into perspective.

Our brains have a nasty habit of blowing things out of proportion and my mental state is affecting me physically and just generally.

I will survive.

As always, one day at a time.

Wild Woman

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety on July 27, 2014 at 8:48 pm

‘I’m trying to contain her but she’s slipping through the net. There’s a wild woman living inside of me’

Its been a while since my last update and since I last considered sobriety or even attempted it.

The wild woman is back in control and hungry for destruction.

Since May when my drinking relapsed I have binged several times.

I have also started a sort of relationship with someone (not official..yet)

Since May I have slid down stairs and banged my head off a wall, sent embarrassing text messages, been physically removed from a nightclub, ignored the boy I’m dated and chose to dance alone in my kitchen in just my knickers, I’ve had hooked up without remembering and I’ve experienced my worst hangover to date.

Worse things have happened to me, but in amongst the drinking, I have been making some very important life decisions and I am started to differentiate between the feelings produced by drinking and hangovers and how I actually feel.

A hangover can make me feel so bad I actually cannot see the point in living. It is physically damaging and mentally damaging in equal amounts.

Last week it took me until Wednesday to get back to normal after a hangover, and yet I still went out and drank heavily last night.

I am currently in counselling with an amazing man who understands me and my addictive nature because he has struggled with himself too.

He understands that no matter how much I want to change and improve or moderate, I can’t. If it involves a substance or a rush, I am helpless, weak and I want more.

The chemicals react with my brain and transform me into a monster. The monster leaves and a vulnerable, shameful, sick girl is left to pick up the pieces.

Sometimes picking up the pieces means lying in the dark, no food or water or clothes or sounds and clearing my head. Sleeping as long as possible so I don’t have to deal with consciousness.

I want more than anything to be able to drink normally, to be able to hold down a relationship, to change, to improve but my body won’t let me. Something has to give.

My counsellor used to work in prisons and met guys who when drunk hurt loved ones, or caused criminal damage. When they woke, they were in a cell and had no memory of doing the offences. They had to live with the fact that alcohol had changed their life for 7 – 10 years.

I said to my counsellor that the way I react to alcohol means that this circumstance could happen to me too. In fact when I drink, anything can happen.

I don’t know how to control it, but thinking about all these facts and in my new frame of mind to change, I need to formulate a plan. And the question to keep asking myself is ‘is drinking to be social actually worth it?’

Right now, it doesn’t feel like it.

‘But why can’t you just drink in moderation?’

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety, Student, University on April 25, 2012 at 3:49 am

Last night an old friend rang me up (slightly drunk) and decided she needed a very deep and meaningful conversation.

This old friend is definitely not your average childhood friend. Our mothers have known each other since they were 14 and I have known my friend since the day she was born.

We’ve been through a lot together and shared a lot of information that would be hard for anyone else to understand. She suffers from depression and has had tendencies to use drugs and drink heavily from time to time. On one particular occasion (her rock bottom) she overdosed and I drove her to the hospital and escorted her to rehab.

For a while I found it hard to connect with her; university meant we had less time to see each other and there was a distance; a distance that never got in the way of us still meaning the same to each other, but it got in the way of actually being there for each other.

I felt like she never knew what was going on with me and I had to assume she was getting better and her depression was more controllable.

After talking to her tonight, and despite her latest drama’s, I felt reassured. Reassured that she was, at this point in time, stable. She told me how she had stopped drinking for two months in January and that it had made her re-learn how to drink and she now drinks in moderation. When she occasionally does get drunk (tonight) she was in a good mood and didn’t have the usual feelings of being out of control and guilt ridden the next day.

She said she had heard that I was ‘off the sauce’ and that maybe I should start drinking again after a month, in moderation, to keep from me having a blow out episode and end up going back to square one.

I told her again, that I was not drinking and like most people she didnt  quite grasp this concept. I think maybe its because I am at university or because its still very early days. (Or my infamous reputation for being ‘on the sauce’)

Her words resonated with me. I thought about drinking again and it made me feel deeply uneasy. Almost slightly panicked. Last week when I drank, it felt wrong. I felt like I could feel all my hard work, all my restraint was slipping away down my esophagus. Also, the reason I used to drink was to get drunk (in social situations) so only having one drink doesn’t make sense to me. I am very much an all or nothing person, which makes it hard to explain to everyone who says ‘but why cant you drink in moderation?’

If I knew the answer to that I would never have contemplated giving up.

Constantly over thinking may be a bad thing, but for once in my life my brain has stopped over thinking on this particular subject. I feel secure and sure that I don’t want to drink. I know that I cannot trust myself to drink in moderation, hence the drastic need for action.  One thing my friend had said she has learnt from going through her experiences was to do exactly what you feel is right and shut off what anyone else tells you. (Simple words of advice; yet as usual, its always comforting to hear them from someone else!)

My theory is that when you are not sure you are making the right decision, you listen to other people, in hope they can convince you that the decision you have made, is a bad one. Sometimes its easier to go along with what other people say than being true to yourself and going against the grain.

One thing that I will say now, is even the people who think they are giving you their best advice do not know what you need sometimes. They will try and convince you to do things a certain way, but you should only do what you feel is right for yourself.

I also know that these individuals will change their mind when you prove them you were right. Its not that they are trying to disrupt you or they are trying to be malicious (hopefully not) but they just do not fully understand and perhaps never will. Unless a human can directly relate, they may never be fully appreciative of a situation and its seriousness.

The only reason I can now acknowledge how valuable my friends piece of advice is, is by following the advice. And the reason I followed the advice and am still following the advice is because I wanted to do it. I saw the potential in myself and I decided to change.

Last night my flat mates went out to a nightclub and I still had the essay to finish. I got ‘Oh, Abi’s being boring again’ from one of them. Usually, I would be worried. worried that I am going to be out the loop, that people will forget about me, that I am a nobody if I am not drunk, dancing, causing some drama. But now I simply don’t care anymore. I’d feel frustrated about being left behind. But I felt calm and I enjoyed my own company for a while.

They arrived home as I was finishing off my essay. They told me about who they had seen, the drunken antics and I saw them go off to bed. I hadn’t missed out on anything major. I woke up with no hangover, no guilt and I still had a laugh with everyone. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief that it was possible to not feel like my whole social life revolved around going out and getting drunk. This evening we went to see a movie and tomorrow we are going to a theme park. Yet again, no drinking needed.

I went home for 5 weeks at Easter back to my parents to detox and do exactly what I wanted to do. I purposely kept myself away from my usual social spots; the two local pubs. At first I was scared I would be missing out, but I kept myself away because I was determined to get better. Even though at first you may feel you have dropped off the scene and maybe not many people ( except only real friends) bother with you but you discover that nothing in the usual places change too much and you’re not actually missing out.

I have also noticed that since telling my friends about not drinking, I have experienced three different types of reactions; 1. Fully accepting and understanding of my reasons. They have been supportive and very pleased for me. Or 2. They kind of understand but don’t understand the ‘not drinking again’ part. They try to preach about moderate drinking and that you’re still young etc. but they don’t put up too much of a fuss, and finally 3. They think its absurd and make a real fuss.

It makes me wonder whether it is a real test as to who is actually my friend or whether some people simply cannot comprehend a life without alcohol. To each person I have tried to rationalise the dangers of my drinking and what I am preventing by being sober; but each person sees the situation differently. Should you judge your friends for reacting in a certain way? I don’t know. The only thing I know is I like it when I know I have support for doing something that feels right for me and when friends try and understand my situation.

I am a great believer in honesty and everyone being able to offer their opinions on what life decisions a friend makes but I do know that a little support and encouragement can go a long way. I wish more of my friends could fully understand this.

‘I’m Still Breathing’

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety, Student, University on April 22, 2012 at 10:55 am

So my last post was written at a time when I was feeling positive and reflective about giving up alcohol.

Tonight, I am reflecting from a different angle.

I was going to write about how I had been a month without alcohol and then on Friday night I stayed with a friend from uni and I had a drink and I ruined my hard work.

I was going to write about how I felt disappointed in myself.

But then I picked myself up again and realised that I am still learning how to deal with everything.

Over thinking, panicking and being anxious is part of me and my nature but that doesn’t mean I have to be in a constant state of over thinking, worrying and confusion. As much as my journey right now is about not drinking, its also about breaking thought patterns and learning how to cope with everything. Learning to breath, accept, move on and change.

I am currently listening to Kelly Clarkson – Sober.

Some of the lyrics are particularly meaningfull ‘nothings real unless you let go completely’ and ‘three months and I’m still sober, picked all my weeds but kept the flowers, but I know, It’s never really over.’

If I were to relate this song back to the situation I am in I would say that even though you make adjustments to your life and really try to change the problems; they don’t just vanish. I think it also means that you have to try fully let go of hang ups, worries, anxieties about things and get on and do everything within your power to help the situation but also recognise that they will always be with you, and you shouldn’t panic about it.

I made a mistake by having a drink; at first I was anxious. I had a nightmare about being drunk and I did some crazy stuff in my dream. I woke up feeling uneasy, weak and a generally a bit of a failure.

I switched it around in my head; I had one drink, I had no hangover, I hadn’t made a fool out of myself. Everyone makes my mistakes; its how you bounce back from them that counts. Showing remorse is acceptable but self loathing / self pity is not. It is not the end of the world. Pick yourself up, accept what is done is done and start again.

As of Saturday 21st April, I am no longer drinking. Sometimes, if quitting drinking is seeming unrealistic; remind yourself why you do not drink and remind yourself that you do not owe anyone an explanation.

Learning from my mistake; I would say that if you know you are going to be entering a situation where you know you will be pressured into drinking then be prepared with an excuse beforehand or do not put yourself in a vulnerable position until you feel 100% sure you can cope.

I also think that over thinking may lead you to be backed into a corner. If you’re easily persuaded (like me) you can be talked out of something as easily as you have talked yourself into something. My new aim is to adopt a more casual attitude ‘Like it or lump it’

Why should people have to feel guilty or unsure about their decisions simply because people do not understand why they’re making that choice.

Stronger, confident, assertive people get what they want without having to talk themselves out from a corner, why can’t I?

‘When the wine goes in, strange things come out’

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, Sobriety, Student, University on April 4, 2012 at 1:28 am

Hello to everyone who is reading this!

As you may know, my name is Abi and I am a student in the UK. I lead a normal life except the fact that I have problems drinking responsibly. A common name for this would be a ‘binge drinker’. I am inclined to argue this name is far too broad and is a label that is becoming nonchalant and socially acceptable.

Lets get one thing straight, the way I drank was neither a nonchalant affair or socially acceptable. As a student, to a certain degree, getting drunk is normal. Like most students who drink socially, I had no symptoms of alcohol dependance. The closest I have got to dependance was long stints of consecutive binges and even throughout I never had an ‘eye opener’ or ‘liquid lunches’ to get me through or to prevent any shakes or withdrawals.

I have been drinking since the tender age of 14 and at that age I drank to get drunk. As I had very little self confidence or self assurance it was a quick way of finding the guts to talk to boys and losing inhibitions. Alcohol was my ‘Liquid confidence’.

The drinking at this early stage was done behind my parents backs. My peer group and I used to steal alcohol from our parents (spirits), get the oldest looking friend to buy cider or vodka, and we would sit in a park or go back to someones house and ‘chug’ or down alcohol to feel the effects almost instantly. A very stupid and immature thing to do when no one was an experienced drinker or knew what happened when things went wrong. Everyone was a victim of their own peer pressure.

I believe these drinking habits stayed with me longer than I wish to recognise. As you grow up with alcohol, and your peer groups change, your income changes, your life experience changes and so do the circumstances in which you drink change. For example; you drink at special family occasions, professional occasions, with peers who have more drinking experience, with strangers, in nightclubs etc.

If your drinking mentality is still one which is ‘drink to get drunk’ obviously your behaviour and these occasions will clash. Trouble occurs and relationships break down. Not just with your peers, your family but most harmfully the relationship with yourself.

If your drinking makes you feel ashamed or affects your current circumstances and has a negative effect on your self esteem levels; it is a problem. A problem that I am very grateful to have recognised by the age of 22.

After doing extensive research (the first part of my research was done very much in denial of having a problem) I have discovered that a lot of people who realise they have a problem are in a later stage of life (with children, with a career, late twenties onwards etc). There are only a select few who decide upon abstinence from alcohol at a younger age. My concerns are; do people blur the lines of what is a normal and what is a problem? Or is peer pressure simply a cultural change and those with problems do not feel strong enough to go against their social surroundings?

One of the greatest problems about having a drinking problem is the other people in your life. I have only experienced this from the university angle. At university the culture is to drink regularly, the acceptability of doing stupid things under the influence of alcohol and that you shouldn’t worry too much about it. YOLO (you only live once) is one of the most common phrases you will encounter upon trying to fix your problem.

The phrase YOLO, ironically, is also the reason to give up drinking. Upon my first attempt of becoming teetotal (October 2011) I woke up and abruptly decided ‘I am never drinking again and this time I mean it.’ Yes, all very well and good to decide this after a shame filled night and with a stinking hangover. Hangovers; being a weird mix of boldness and self loathing, seem to be a bad time to make life changing decisions.

The more I thought about giving up alcohol forever, the scarier it seemed. Thoughts such as ‘What will I drink when everyone makes a toast?’ or ‘I am going to miss that ice cold cider in the beer garden?’ and ‘what am I going to drink when we have girly wine or cocktail nights?’ kept cropping up. Again and again and again. Until 14 days later I was having my ‘Just one, I promise’ cocktail to celebrate my housemates 21st. ‘Just one, I promise’ Turned into 5 or 6, from what I remember.

So my point being, when you force your brain into a ‘forever’ situation; the panic response is triggered. Subconsciously, you are battling now with peer pressure and with your drinking problem itself. Your brain is tricking you by unearthing fond drinking memories through rose tinted glasses. Perhaps, on purpose, your brain selectively chooses not to remember the times when you were hospitalised due to alcohol abuse, the times when you publicly shamed yourself, the hangovers that make you feel like you are slowly dying, the times when you said things you would never have said if you hadn’t have been off your face or the times where your brain completely switches off and you transform into someone who isn’t you and who isn’t aware of anything.

Instead of rushing into ‘I’m never drinking again’ turn the situation on its head. Why not think ‘today I am not going to have a single drink, because then I can’t get drunk.’ or ‘today I am not going to drink because then tomorrow I will not waste the day in bed’.

If there is anyone else who understands a proper hangover; a physical hangover, a guilt ridden hangover and anxiety attacks in one dose, they can relate to wasting a whole day sometimes two, being locked in the confines of your own home, feeling self pity. Self pity because everything that you are feeling is the result of putting toxins in your body. No one else put them in there. Your excuses may be ‘he /she bought me a shot’ or ‘I had to drink because it was so and so’s birthday’. If you wish to get anywhere in this life; you have to stop blaming everyone else.

People, especially people who you thought were your close friends, may turn out to be the main reason why you struggle to stay sober. If you can tell a friend why you are not drinking and they understand; they are a true friend. You will always get peers who do not understand and they will make you doubt yourself and your decision.

After a few weeks or days of being strong and resisting, you may feel an overwhelming sense of achievement and here is how your brain will try and trick you again. ‘Amazing, so I have done one month without alcohol. Everyone wants me to drink, I miss drinking it was fun. Maybe this time around things will be different, I definitely think I have learned my lesson here.’ If you are the type of person that cannot moderate their drinks and feels their drinking results in hurting themselves and others then your brain is wrong. Your brain is trying to take the easy way out. All the time you have to constantly remind yourself why, if today, you do not drink, then you will not get into trouble and you will feel so much better tomorrow.

The drinking cycle took full grasp after October again until Sunday, March 18th 2012. I decided after a month of ‘good’ drinking I should end my drinking career on a high. What was the point in gambling my life anymore? I felt a little unhealthy due to recent festivities and a lot of nights out. I still had my health, I still had time to come completely clean to my family and myself and I had an easter break which I could retreat back to home ground and rehabilitate myself.

I will keep updating about more information I find, and people who have decided to take the same route, but I shall say goodbye for now,


PS. remember, please do get in touch if you want someone to talk to. Don’t be alone, everyone needs help sometimes.