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Archive for September, 2016|Monthly archive page

No Pink Cloud

In Uncategorized on September 2, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Last time I properly gave up drinking, I felt a radiant positivity about it.

I felt a sense of achievement about staying in on the weekend and waking up fresh.

This time, I don’t have that.

This time it feels like work. I am reminding myself constantly why I dont drink. I am re-reading old posts and focussing on the last time I drank allot.

I have been to an AA meeting and I am nearly three weeks sober.

I am going to have to get through my dad’s 50th party sober whilst everyone gets very drunk this weekend.

I rang a lady I met from AA last night for a chat to tell her this and she reminded me that nothing good comes from getting drunk.

I am bored, lonely and craving excitement. I don’t know how to achieve this at the moment.

I want the newly sober pink cloud feeling back. I want to feel healthy and positive and strong.

Perhaps its a good thing that I dont have the pink cloud though. Maybe if I struggle through, there will be no dip the other side.

I hope this gets easier.

For now, I just have to carry myself, sludge on and use all resources available to keep myself sober.

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Drunk and Inappropriate

In Uncategorized on September 2, 2016 at 12:02 pm

I went to see a career coach yesterday.

She is a well educated lady with psychology degrees, a husband, a child, a nice house in a nice neighbourhood, with lots of nice friends.

When I go to see her, she spends a lot of time telling me about her life, which I find fascinating.

The village she lives in is a big one and it sounds like most people socialise together.

She was telling me about the parties they have and how some people get invited and others don’t.

She said she feels bad for people when they don’t get invited as she hates to think that people will feel upset about feeling left out.

However, she did mention one person who she does intentionally leave out; her neighbour who gets too drunk and behaves inappropriately at parties.

I sat their grimacing with her ‘oh no, she dooesnt, does she?’

But in my brain I was screaming ‘Oh shit, I am the drunk and inappropriate neighbour’

Yesterday at work, I was getting pressure from colleagues to drink this weekend at my dads 50th birthday.

Even though I know I shouldn’t drink, the pressure is sometimes hard to deal with.

Hearing about this ladies drunk and inappropriate neighbour being left out from parties was a wake up call that I needed.

Although I have a deep sadness for this ladies neighbour, it also made me realise that people don’t understand drinking problems and they will judge and ostracise you for having one. And that is part of learning you have a problem and wanting to do something about it.

I think part of the reason I am single is because of how I behave when I am drunk.

I can be angry, upset, happy, aggressive, aloof, unfriendly and promiscuous.

Who willingly wants to put up with a grown woman who cant handle themselves?

It isn’t in most peoples nature to deal with behaviours in others that they don’t agree with or cant understand.