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Archive for September, 2014|Monthly archive page

New Kind of Sober

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, sober, Sobriety on September 15, 2014 at 8:47 pm

Seven weeks sober yesterday and I am starting to feel like I am getting somewhere. Each day brings new levels of loneliness and empowerment.

I feel a different kind of sober; I feel calm and controlled about things that scared me before.

I feel like a permanent change has been made from somewhere deep within me. I no longer associate with alcohol or people who live to get drunk. I can’t even hold any alcohol in my hands without feeling weird.

I don’t miss nights out or how they used to feel. I especially don’t miss the hangovers, the major highs and lows, the mistakes and regrets.

I have changed and ultimately its for the better. Some people do not have a clue that I am sober and others still don’t understand why it has happened. I am starting to no longer care about those trivial aspects of socialising, I have switched to focussing peoples attention back on themselves. I feel a new wave of maturity has set in but at the same time a new lease of life which will allow me to have childlike excitement.

I no longer want to deny myself of good feelings, I no longer want to suffer in silence because I think that is what I deserve. My drinking brain would tell myself how disgusting I was and that I brought on everything bad myself.

My sober brain now understands and acknowledges that alcoholism is a sickness and that I am actually a kind, reasonable person who doesn’t have to settle for feeling shit all the time.

I can’t wait to make more progress and hopefully the loneliness of sobriety will fade as I become more used to my adjusted lifestyle.

One day at a time.

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self pity city

In Uncategorized on September 5, 2014 at 10:45 pm

The smiths are playing.

Empty meaningless tears are stinging my cheeks.

The only texts I got today were ones from a pizza company and from the guy I am seeing to tell me he no longer has time to commit to a relationship.

I am googling puppies because maybe a dog will fill this void.

I have my house on the market but I don’t know what I want after I have sold it.

Work feels stressful and pointless, but its the only constructive thing I have, the only real talking point in my life.

Friends are busy with boyfriends, and all but one of them live miles away, places I cannot afford to get to.

Everyone else socialises with a drink in their hand, something I excluded myself from in order to curb my dink problem, in order to stop sabotaging my social interactions with others.

Ironically by preventing social sabotage it means having to socially disconnect.

I know in the long run, this is the best course of action.

I am on the right path and everything happens for a reason.

There will always be pain involved, in everything.

The right thing will happen.

Or maybe I should just buy a cute little dog? I really want a dog.

And I do really love the smiths.

One day at a time.

(almost 6 weeks sober!!)