abijam

sobering or so boring?

In Uncategorized on August 17, 2014 at 9:01 am

3 weeks sober today!

Its a little mile stone but I am still feeling very positive and relaxed. I have got a long climb until I feel confident in my non drinking but I m ready to climb and commit.

Yesterday I went to see my counsellor and told him the good news; I have accepted I have a problem and I am doing something about it. And this time around I don’t feel a sense of anxiety, i feel determination.

His words of advice were that the first year of sobriety is the hardest. I should know because of the 5 times I have tried to quit prior to this, I have always failed around the two month mark.

He also said that the decision I have made is a life changing one and should be fully committed to. It’s okay to avoid situations where there are extreme amounts of pressure to drink, you may have to explore other avenues of entertaining yourself whilst sobriety is still new and avoiding any situations where big amounts of stress is involved.

He has worked in a lot of rehab centres and he said that when people first go sober they are advised not to be in a relationship for the first year and to put themselves first.

It suddenly dawned on me how seriously you have to take it.

In the past I have always attempted to make a change but tried to continue my normal social life; I won’t drink but I will still go clubbing, still go to the pub, still go to parties and be surrounded by drinking games.

I don’t know how I expected to quit; but maybe subconsciously, I never actually wanted to quit.

Since I haven’t drank this time around I haven’t had any cravings to drink. I have felt alive, fresh and in control of myself. I listen to a good tune in my car and feel the same ecstasy as if I were slightly intoxicated. I go to the gym and eat healthily and feel a sense of pride that I am making a positive change to my body.

Last night my brother threw a house warming party. I turned up and gave him a bottle of wine I wanted to get rid of. (I have decided to clear my house of alcohol…I won’t even use any for baking!)

On arrival everyone was playing drinking games. I stayed to chat to people for maybe 20 minutes and then somebody asked me to join in beer pong. I declined their offer and decided I had to make a plan.

The old me would not have wanted to miss out on a party, but the new, realistic me decided that this was a danger zone. I made my excuses and me and a friend went for a meal instead.

After the meal, I got invited back to the party. Again, a surge of temptation washed through me. SHould I go? It may be nice to see people, meet my brothers new girlfriend perhaps?

Then I remembered; they would all be drunk and I would be sober. They would all wonder why I wasn’t drinking. I didn’t want to unnecessarily put myself in that position. I was also messaging someone from the party who had asked me to return. I said ‘Im not drinking at the moment so perhaps it would be a little awkward for me to be around everyone who’s drunk’ and his response was ‘bore off’.

Thats all I needed. That little reminder.

When you don’t drink, you are viewed as boring. I understand this because I once was the pushy drinker who wanted everyone to get as drunk as me because thats all I knew as good fun.

I decided to stay at home and be ‘boring’.

But boring means that I didn’t do anything potentially life ruining, I haven’t woken up with a self inflicted illness or self inflicted anxiety or depression. I have had a nice cafetiere coffee, watched my baking programme and now I have a whole day to work on my house.

If thats boring, then I like being boring.

One day at a time.

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  1. Yay! so glad to read this Abi. Really tough when everyone around you’s drinking. Temptation is all around us. It takes a lot of guts not to rise to the bait. The key is you feel differently this time and you realise what a huge lifestyle change this is. There are gonna be dark moments ahead that’s for sure… but managing your expectations is half the battle.

    Proud of you girl! tj

    • Thankyou so much for your comments! I think it has everything to do with mindset and how badly you want to change. You cant force yourself to change and no one else can force you; you have to reach a point at which there really is no other option but to change.

      As a drinker i was lonely and being sober is lonely but i can see a positive future ahead of me now, not one filled with worry about how and when i will ruin everything.
      Hope you’re staying strong too tj

      • At the moment I’m weak because of everything that’s happening in my life… I’ve written some new entries but can’t post them yet because of .. situations.. but last one’s here http://wp.me/s4gFcv-edge Throughout everything and despite being on my own at the min, I have had no drink and no urge to drink. If I can survive one of the darkest times in my life without that prop then there’s hope…..

  2. Clever title to your post btw

  3. How are you doing Abi? Did you make it to 4 weeks? xx

    • Hi tj, still going strong 4 weeks today!! I even attended a wedding last night with no problems, luckily i was able to drive so i avoided peer pressure! Are things any better for you?

      • Yes, things are better, thanks. I’ll publish a new post when I’ve got my head straight. A month is great, just keep going and think about how far you’ve come!

  4. I’m posting again, catching up on lost time. I’m really good. xx

    • nice to see you’re writing again. you write in such an honest way, its very admirable. I also took the bpd test and came out with 36. x

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