abijam

Weakness

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety, Uncategorized on May 4, 2014 at 8:09 pm

Well, this weekend I caved in, in so many ways.

I havent drank to excess, but I have drank.

Now that I have ‘relapsed’ my brain isn’t sure what to do because it didn’t go wrong…this time.

Im getting the same ideas about continuing to drink but limiting myself to weaker drinks or just three drinks in one go. I have a big social event next Saturday and I know there will be so much pressure to drink. How or why will I say no?

I am confused as to how to repair myself or in which way I should continue to live my life?

The reason I caved was this; an old old friend was drunk and decided to get in contact at 1am. We used to be very close but then he moved away and started a family. This weekend he came back and got drunk with some other people. He rang me at 1am for me to pick him up because he didn’t want to stay at our other friends house, he wanted to see me and chat.

I was wide awake and decided to see him. 

He got to my house and asked me for a drink; i had amaretto for baking in my baking cupboard. He poured a couple of glasses and asked me to drink with him. He told me about his troubles and we chatted for four hours.

I had work the next day and I felt horrendously tired all day. 

He also flicked his cigarettes into the next doors garden which burnt a whole in their trampoline. I feel very guilty.

I tried to help him, but I put him before me; seems to be a common theme. I end up paying for it too.

I wish I could assert myself all the time but I worry about the wrong peoples feelings instead of my own.

I have no idea why I should continue drinking but in the back of my head I think I would only drink to please others which is crazy but other people have that power over me.

I need to pull it together but I am struggling with my own weakness.

Advertisements
  1. I think just taking things one day at a time helps. Please don’t berate yourself for lapsing now and then. Your decision to try not to drink at all is commendable and more importantly the right one for you, but it is a very high standard you’re setting for yourself there.

    You did a kind thing for a true friend – there’s nothing wrong with that now, is there?

    You’ve realised that if it happens again though, perhaps you’d do things differently by having a cup of tea while he polishes off the amaretto perhaps…

    I’ve found it’s pretty amazing how friends and anyone that matters continues to respect me now I don’t drink. They don’t even ask lots of questions – and with a 0% beer I even look like I’m drinking (I only wish it was served on draught).

    My boyfriend has indicated that if he sees me enjoying my new lease of life and my non-drinking lifestyle, he may even choose for himself to drink less… which for me is a huge encouragement.

    So, this beer pressure you imagine may be just that – a figment of your imagination. You imagine that people will ask awkward questions, ostracise you, talk shit about you, misunderstand you, think you’re stuck up, take the piss etc if you say no to booze. Well, some might do. But there is a significant chance that after the initial surprise of “oh, you’re not drinking?” no more is said about it.

    Could you attend a course on assertiveness or find out techniques about it on the web? How could you let go of this perceived power that other people have over you? Would it help you feel better about yourself if you were to apologise to the neighbour? Maybe telling your old friend what a setback you felt the amaretto session was that would help?

    Just some things to think about, I hope I’m being helpful in some small way.

    • Hi Thanks for your comments, its taken me a while to get round to writing again as I have had a busy week.
      I appreciate that you highlighted that not drinking is setting a very high standard, its good to hear this because that’s what I do and I usually fail because my standards are too high for myself. I realise though that this time around the high standard is necessary but there is no harm in occasionally acknowledging that it is a big ask.
      I think your suggestions are great, perhaps an assertiveness course or something similar would be good. The one thing that not drinking and wanting to change is teaching me is just to reach out and try different things and whether or not they are designed to; learning and meeting people will surely help towards self esteem etc. I went to a conference the other day and instead of hiding in a corner with a coffee I reached out and spoke to people; asking the first questions and taking an interest in people.
      Usually that would only happen after a couple of drinks (or more) and I would probably come across in a bad way but now I feel like I have nothing to lose, there is no where left to hide.
      Thanks for your comments I always appreciate them!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: