abijam

I want to run away

In Uncategorized on April 24, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Day 4 of no drinking and I have arranged a counselling session for Friday which is something I am looking forward to. I also spoke to an addiction therapist who has been in the ‘trade’ for twenty + years and has seen many different cases of alcohol problems. I found speaking to him oddly calming and soothing, very non emotional but as if, even through a phone, he knew and he understood.

Today I had a relatively good day. I ran 4.5 miles (only because my colleague made sure i didn’t stop) and work went quickly. I am still haunted by the weekends mess and what I did. These are things that I hope will fade, as mulling over them in my head isn’t helping my deep down self loathing. 

I want to scream at everyone who thinks I am crazy or promiscuous or non directional that I am a good person deep down but I have a problem. I also want to disappear and never see them again. I feel like the area I live is laced with drunken memories that haunt me at my every turn.  I want to be able to start fresh and also to run and hide.

Cowardly? Or is that normal?

 

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  1. Not cowardly at all and sounds about how I felt when I was stuck in the cycle (I’ve only been sober since November). You wonder how that hasn’t been enough to stop you from drinking, but I guess that’s why something different happens in our brains when we drink than it does to healthy drinkers. Hang in there-i promise you are harder on yourself than anyone else

    • Thankyou congratulations on being sober since November thats a great effort! november was the last time I attempted to give up but I was pressured to drink new years and I caved. This time I have a new sense of determination. Keep up the good work!

  2. Ouch! I know the feeling! certainly where you live can hold you back. You are reminded of people, events, behaviours and feelings you’d rather forget. It does help to make a break with the past – I’m a great advocate of moving forward and not being afraid to change. And when you look at the big picture of life –

    why not?

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