abijam

Binge Drinking Blues

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety on April 22, 2014 at 10:26 pm

I am a binge drinker and  so are most of my peers but I am always to the extreme and very embarrassing on every drinking occasions.
I have tried several times to stop over the years, even as young as aged 19.
I think I have a problem and I have done some disgusting things whilst drunk; I am full of self loathing from my last binge. I want to quit again but I don’t feel like a proper alcoholic to resort to getting full on help. I want to quit and get support but I have said I will quit so many times no one will believe me anymore.
I don’t know what to do, I think talking to someone who binges / used to binge and considers it an alcohol problem would help.

Any thoughts?

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  1. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic, but even if you decide you’re not, don’t discount yourself and not think that you don’t deserve just as much help. Are you engaging in any meetings or recovery groups? Sometimes AA isn’t always suited to everyone, but do some research and go to a few and see which one you like best. For me, when I am in a recovery mind frame, I find it helps to just disappear off the earth for a while – don’t answer your phone, don’t read messages on Facebook etc. give yourself time away to think about what you want to do. Make a list of pros and cons of drinking and have a copy at home and one in your handbag. If you’re really keen to not drink as much, it’s not ideal, but make excuses. Say you have an appointment in an hours time so can’t drink as much, then leave and don’t talk to them until your ‘appointment’ is over. Distract yourself, keep writing on your blog, go to the beach or do some reading. Those ideas won’t be for everyone but it’s worth a shot because it helped me =)

    • Hi Shan Mal, Thanks for your comment. Currently I am not involved in any meetings / groups. I went to AA in January and found it a little overwhelming but perhaps I will try again. I am seeking counselling which I think will help understand why I drink the way I do and how to sustain my sobriety. I really like your suggestions and I have definitely taken a step back from everyday life just to give myself time and distracted myself with things that I enjoy doing. The question of whether I am an alcoholic is becoming less important but I do think I drink alcoholically and my brain is wired slightly differently to those who can just have a few drinks and actually stick to it but I can accept that now.

  2. Hi Abijam. I am not, nor have I ever been, an alcoholic but I’d like to share my experiences with you and others. I have had problems with drinking too much (by that I mean more than my body can handle) for many years, with differing frequencies and quantities over the 12 years I have been drinking but often with the same regretful outcome.

    Nowadays, I can give up at the drop of a hat and in fact recently (until two weeks ago) didn’t drink for 3 months. It was totally easy – I just didn’t have ‘the thirst’. However these past two weekends back on the sauce have led to some painful realisations – that my behaviour is out of control, violent, abusive and thoroughly unacceptable *whenever* I am drunk. What’s worse is that I do not realise it until I have sobered up, and often I never realise it because I’ve lost all memory of the ‘bad bits’.

    I thought that after a few months of abstinence I was entitled to a little drink, especially because it was Easter and I was on holiday. Wrong. The problems I’ve always had came back to haunt me… despite all the therapy, the not drinking, and trying to rebuild my poorly relationship.

    Many years ago I was drinking every single day, sometimes starting at 11am. I wouldn’t stop until I passed out in the wee hours, fully clothed (sometimes not), with no memory of how I got home. I used to see myself as an artist, a figurehead for some kind of ‘fucked up lifestyle’ which was a badge I wore with pride.

    What helped me was growing up. The worst of my excesses was when I was in my mid-twenties. I’m almost 30 now and starting to want different things in my life not just being fucked up, causing arguments, raising hell, partying, fucking and fighting, being that nuts girl. I now want to settle down, develop hobbies, be creative not destructive, get in touch with my spiritual side, nurture my relationship with my boyfriend… that kinda stuff.

    I can’t give you any advice except whatever you take from this piece, except to say that change has to come from the individual – whether you go to AA meetings, have a counsellor, a partner or anything – it’s practically irrelevant. If you want to, you will, and not a moment before. Good luck.

    • Thankyou for sharing this with me, this is very relatable. I, too binged over easter as I got into the ‘holiday’ spirit. It’s normal to go to excess when you have time off work, so why couldn’t I join in too? Because like you, when I drink I am abusive, violent and out of control. I woke up with remorse, obviously, but with a sense that something HAD to change. There is no other option.

      • Well that’s a very powerful response Abi, the tricky part is holding on to it in the face of temptation and the voice that says “go on you deserve it” “but it’s a special occasion” etc. I often come to realisations about various things, alcohol related and not, but hanging on to those good intentions when something more powerful such as anger/ temptation/ frustration/ depression comes along is almost impossible. I’ve tried using what I call trigger phrases or even trigger memories, which I’m hoping will serve to bring to mind in a very visceral way, whatever it is I need to remember…

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