Archive for December, 2013|Monthly archive page

Start Trusting yourself

In Uncategorized on December 14, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Today is the day before I embark on a family holiday on a ship with unlimited food and drink. Its also nearly christmas. A very happy, exciting time, one can’t deny. 

All around me this week there have been champagne bottles, talk of fine wines and boozy lunches. 

I have sort of slipped into a mild case of denial.

People joking with me about my holiday ‘its a big ship, but I’m sure your family will be able to find you in the nearest bar!’ Laughing, smiling, shrugging off the banter is what I do.

‘Oh no, I intend to be healthy this holiday!’

But even I am questioning how realistic my demands are on myself are. No drinking champagne or wine in the evenings? What about a cocktail after dinner? Just one won’t hurt? Its a family holiday, seriously, whats the worst that can happen?

These thoughts snuck up on me, even though I am only three weeks sober this weekend. In three weeks, my brain has pushed out those harrowing memories of self loathing and replaced them with the sweet memory of bubbles and laughter. 

I keep waking up in cold sweats, because I have dreamt that I have crashed my car or woken up in someones bed in a drunken stupor.

What does this all boil down to? Self trust.

I made the decision to stop drinking three weekends ago, I made that decision because I was on the brink of giving up on myself. No one else knows how that feels, no one else made that decision for me. Therefore, I have to trust myself, because I am the only one who can stick to this decision, this change of lifestyle. I can do it if I want to. I have to start trusting myself and my decisions, because peer pressure is partly what caused me to be such a drunken mess. But I was the only one to get into the mess, now I have to believe in myself to get out of it.

Heres to being three weeks sober, and heres to the next three.