abijam

Liquid Culture

In Uncategorized on November 30, 2013 at 10:30 am

I chose sobriety at the time of the year which makes me feel like the whole world is working against me.

Drinks on TV, in music, twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Everyone is drinking or talking about it, Christmas is renowned as being one big piss up in the UK. Drinks with family, work colleagues, NYE parties etc. It’s all about booze.

And today will be 6 days sober. A small victory for a former binge drinker. This year I will have spent about three months sober, so far so good. But those three months were my two previous attempts at not drinking.

Slowly, the sobriety starts working against me.

My brain conveniently forgets what its like to be drunk or what its like to wake up and know you’ve ruined your life but not remember how.

Sobriety also tricks my brain and I start thinking things like ‘this time it could be different, maybe its worth the risk?’

‘Ive gone seven weeks without a drink, I think I deserve one!’

‘I have to go to a party where everyone is going to notice how sober I am, lets just have one drink so I dont have to make up an excuse’

It’s such a strong force of forgetfulness that I am experiencing now and it’s just six days after my last binge. Up until last weekend, I was happy to steadily drink through christmas markets, christmas parties and christmas itself. My thought pattern is that which convinces me that if last weekend hadn’t of happened then I would have had a great christmas.

Lies. The amount of times I have been through this thought pattern, it doesnt matter if its my birthday, the summer holiday, someone elses birthday, its always the same. Even if last weekend hadn’t of happened, it would have happened, it was just a case of when and what disasters the binge would bring with it.

My tactic is simply to keep busy and keep reminding myself of how bad I felt the last time I drank.

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  1. Hey, I’m glad I’m not the only one with a short memory fuse! I’m over thirty days and, while it gets easier to just not drink (even in social situations), that voice just gets sneakier. I’m better at hushing it up. I was a binge drinker, not really a steady-every-night drinker. I think if you chose this time to quit, it must be pretty real for you, because you also could have chosen to ‘wait until after the holidays’ like lots of people do/have done (myself included in the past!). Know that you have a lot of support out here in the sober blogosphere, and feel free to reach out!

    • thankyou for this! Its lovely to hear support for someone in a similar position! 3 weeks sober and the holidays approaching the pressure is mounting, even from my family. Its custom for our family to celebrate christmas with nice wine and I am not going to be able to join in. I don’t go crazy drunk with my family, but if I start drinking again, then whats to say my crazy drunk won’t happen in other situations again! If i make it through this time of the year and stay true to my own decision then I can make it through everything else!

      • There will always be challenges and challengers to your decision to not drink, I think… but you are powerful in that you are able to say No at any time. Also, sometimes instead of looking at what I’m losing I have found it helpful to look at what I’m gaining (eg, ‘I won’t be able to join in’ the drinking, but you WILL get to join in spending time with your family and share companionship, and you WILL be gaining a sense of self and accomplishment when you stick with it). Just a thought.

  2. Its a very good thought and I needed reminding to be positive and to stay positive within my thoughts and my decision. Your comment has actually reminded me of what I have to be grateful for! I also want to say congratulations on your sobriety and I really hope you are feeling good about it.

  3. I think that printing out and pinning up a picture of yourself when you’re drunk… or something else that reminds you of just how terrible it actually was… might help. Memory is a funny thing. Instead of remembering how awful we behaved, we can trick ourselves into thinking, like you mentioned, that “oh but that was so long ago, I’ve changed since then, and it wasn’t really that bad, was it?” A visual clue, something you look at every night before you go to bed for instance, might help! Just a thought!

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