abijam

‘I’m Still Breathing’

In Alcohol, Drink, Drinking, health, mental health, Sobriety, Student, University on April 22, 2012 at 10:55 am

So my last post was written at a time when I was feeling positive and reflective about giving up alcohol.

Tonight, I am reflecting from a different angle.

I was going to write about how I had been a month without alcohol and then on Friday night I stayed with a friend from uni and I had a drink and I ruined my hard work.

I was going to write about how I felt disappointed in myself.

But then I picked myself up again and realised that I am still learning how to deal with everything.

Over thinking, panicking and being anxious is part of me and my nature but that doesn’t mean I have to be in a constant state of over thinking, worrying and confusion. As much as my journey right now is about not drinking, its also about breaking thought patterns and learning how to cope with everything. Learning to breath, accept, move on and change.

I am currently listening to Kelly Clarkson – Sober.

Some of the lyrics are particularly meaningfull ‘nothings real unless you let go completely’ and ‘three months and I’m still sober, picked all my weeds but kept the flowers, but I know, It’s never really over.’

If I were to relate this song back to the situation I am in I would say that even though you make adjustments to your life and really try to change the problems; they don’t just vanish. I think it also means that you have to try fully let go of hang ups, worries, anxieties about things and get on and do everything within your power to help the situation but also recognise that they will always be with you, and you shouldn’t panic about it.

I made a mistake by having a drink; at first I was anxious. I had a nightmare about being drunk and I did some crazy stuff in my dream. I woke up feeling uneasy, weak and a generally a bit of a failure.

I switched it around in my head; I had one drink, I had no hangover, I hadn’t made a fool out of myself. Everyone makes my mistakes; its how you bounce back from them that counts. Showing remorse is acceptable but self loathing / self pity is not. It is not the end of the world. Pick yourself up, accept what is done is done and start again.

As of Saturday 21st April, I am no longer drinking. Sometimes, if quitting drinking is seeming unrealistic; remind yourself why you do not drink and remind yourself that you do not owe anyone an explanation.

Learning from my mistake; I would say that if you know you are going to be entering a situation where you know you will be pressured into drinking then be prepared with an excuse beforehand or do not put yourself in a vulnerable position until you feel 100% sure you can cope.

I also think that over thinking may lead you to be backed into a corner. If you’re easily persuaded (like me) you can be talked out of something as easily as you have talked yourself into something. My new aim is to adopt a more casual attitude ‘Like it or lump it’

Why should people have to feel guilty or unsure about their decisions simply because people do not understand why they’re making that choice.

Stronger, confident, assertive people get what they want without having to talk themselves out from a corner, why can’t I?

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  1. Because you’re still young. So am I, but I believe that as you get older and more comfortable in your skin, you don’t need to justify everything you do to people who on the whole, really don’t care. It will get easier with time. You certainly don’t need to make up excuses to anyone as to why you do or don’t want to drink alcohol.

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